Whaaaaa?! Seriously?!

Now that I'm working, I have scant time to watch movies regularly. Last night I flipped on Netflix and watched Blood and Lace a really great horror/suspense from 1971. Although most of this movie was predictable, with a teenage girl (18 I believe) being sent into a orphanage after her mother is brutally murdered, being terrorized by her mothers killer, flirted with by men of all ages and patronized by females both old and young. The result is a great movie with a surprise ending that I wasn't expecting. I give Blood and Lace a 8/10.

Now to watch SHARK WEEK!!!!!!!!

C'mon guys! Don't hit a girl when she's down!

It's probably a sin for someone who loves zombie movies as much as I do--but I've never seen Return of the Living Dead Part II, at least not that I could remember. So, while I was scrolling through the HBOgo Archives I saw this little buried treasure and decided to dive right in. Note: Finding copies of RotLD Part II or RotLD 3 are exceedingly difficult to find, though 3 is on Netflix and as I stated previously, Part II is on HBOgo (you have to have HBO to use the free go feature).

"We got a fire fight on our hands and the enemies already dead! Beautiful!"

Let's start with this really awesome fact first off. See that guy in the picture? No not the guy on the right, the guy on the left who's face looks like it's about to explode it's so red? Yeah? Can you guess who that is? No you say? But he looks familiar right? I thought so too, so as soon as I got done watching the movie I went to my faithful and trusted companion... er... Movie source, IMDB and looked up The X-Files (TV series) and sure enough, Agent Skinner (played by Mitch Pileggi) is none other than good 'ole fire fight lovin' Sarge in that there picture!
As for other notable characters that I should point out, well, you remember Freddy (played by Thom Mathews) and Frank (played by James Karen) from Return of the Living Dead? Well they're back in Part II, this time they play two grave robbers named Joey and Ed and of course all Hell breaks loose on them, Joey's girlfriend (who is incredibly hot, if not annoying at times), this boy and his sister and her boyfriend. Of course what zombie movie wouldn't be complete without some bit of older wisdom/comedy, so there is a Doctor (who's an alcoholic) as well.
 Either way, other than the movie seeming overwhelmingly similar to the first (which they actually pick fun at during the movie), this movie was pretty good. The whole movie feels similar to what happened with The Evil Dead and The Evil Dead II. I tend to just look at those as seperate entities and that way I can enjoy them more.

Overall, I give Return of the Living Dead Part II a 6/10. I would've given it higher, but the higher marks are for Return of the Living Dead which I would say in my book is about a 7.5/10 and a 8/10 for Return of the Living Dead 3 (what can I say, I love a girl in glass).

I broke up with Sobriety

On a lighter note, I rekindled my relationship with Vodka. So--yeah! Today I will be reviewing a bunch of stuff just very quickly that I've watched and just haven't gotten the opportunity to touch on, hehe get it! Touch. On. Hah! Anyway, dirty--drunken jokes aside; the list will be comprised of Gummo, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Secret World of Arrietty, and Stormhouse (did I do that one already, oh well).

First off: Gummo. Oh Gummo, you lull your victims into this secure place with your themes of innocence and then cut the throats of kittens and beat homosexual rabbits with children who probably aren't even seven years old yet. This movie was amazing--to say the least. Satanic undertones and a rich storyline mixed with real life videos of people the director grew up around make the movie that much more amazing. The cinematography is beautiful, sometimes shaky and sometimes still, focusing in and becoming unfocused depending on the scene. This movie blew my mind--my overall score for Gummo, you ask? 8/10. I would've given it a 10 but I would really like to think those kittens were real. Something tells me they weren't.

Secondly: Wes Anderson brings this beautiful messed up hodgepodge of a family together in this story of lies, money, betrayal, lust, and loss in the Royal Tenenbaums. The story surrounds the Tenenbaums (nah, shit Sherlock!) which consists of Royal, his ex-wife who focuses all her attentions to her children and later in life becomes some kind of anthropologist digging up skeletal remains and delving specifically in human history, their adopted daughter who marries a therapist but is filled with many secrets, and their two sons (one is a famous tennis player and the other is this over achiever who is kind of OCD craziness). I won't give away any more than that because it would ruin the movie, and let's face it, from what I've already said you know you want to go out and get this little gem right now! My score? 9/10.

Thirdly: Oh Studio Ghibli how I adore you! You brought us such amazing masterpieces as Ponyo, Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, My Neighbor Totoro, Kiki's Delivery Service, and Princess Monoke. Here you are again, leaving my daughter and I slack-jawed in a theater full of aw-inspired children of all ages to witness The Secret World of Arrietty. I must say, I was truly impressed with the quality of the storyline, the voice acting, the artistry, and the score set up for this movie. I would go so far as to say I would even consider paying full price to own this on Blu-ray (Combo pack of course). If anyone hasn't guessed it yet, I gave this movie a 10/10. It takes a lot to impress me, however, it takes a lot more to impress my daughter. If she sits still for longer than an hour, unmoving and completely captivated and spellbound, then yes... That belongs a full-score rating.

Finally: Stormhouse...Stormhouse...Stormhouse... Sorry, I thought if I said it three times it would undo ever having watched this movie. I guess not. The storyline had potential, it could have worked. I think they should have tried to get the actors to act a little less auto-matronic and more psychotic and it could have possibly worked. This piece of trash earned itself a whopping 2/10.


Update: I loved The Secret World of Arrietty I just had to buy it for my daughter for her 5th birthday, Amazon.com--I thank you for your ever low prices!  Target usually runs DVD/Blu-ray combos of this movie for $29.99 yet I found it on Amazon.com for $19.99! Woot!

Hogwarts called, they want their actor back.

Example of Creepy Children: The Shining

Example of Creepy Children: The Omen

Today's review is of the new "gateway" horror film, The Woman in Black, starring the one-the only, HARRY POTTER! Er... No? That's not his name... I knew that... Starring the one-the only, Daniel Radcliffe! And a ton of seriously creepy kids... But when aren't kids creepy? I was told not even to bother with this movie, as I work at Blockbuster and most of the people I talk to generally aren't as thrilled over horror movies and don't know what they're getting into as I do, I figured 'Hey, Why not?'. Free rentals aside and all, I've definitely seen worse offenders, AHEM, Drag Me To Hell anyone. But The Woman in Black is definitely no amazing horror movie that I'll be paying to rent much less purchasing for my collection.

Case in Point: The Woman in Black

First of all, let me just get off my chest that, yes, I did watch this movie while I was working on my research paper for my English class. So I may not have grasped everything that was going on, which wasn't a lot from what I saw. Most of the scares were produced by loud noises that produce a "cheap thrill" sensation equal to that of my daughter hiding behind the door to scare me though you can still see her toes sticking out from the frame. You know it's coming but dammit all if they didn't make it so loud that it doesn't make you flinch a little just due to the sound. The spectre of the movie, the Woman in Black, reminds me of the woman from Dead Silence, so overall not frightening for me at all. Not even ranking a 1 on my Terror scale. I will give the movie one kudo. Good job on the spectacular scenery and cinematography of this movie. The way the film was shot and the costumes and the overall eerieness of the movie lends to what COULD have been a spectacular movie, had they just upped the atty a little bit. Can we stop making movies for 10-13 year olds and start making movies for people who are in their 20's and 30's?
Secondly, as stunning as Daniel Radcliffe is to stare at (particularly naked, yes I'm talking about Equiss or however the Hell you spell it) and as easily as I could get lost in those gorgeous eyes of his or that stunning British accent, all I can see him as is Harry Potter. I would like to take one lesson from Harry Potter for this movie and just Avada Kedavre the whole bloody mess! Creepy children, shitty story line, and an amazing child actor who's just too short for this role. Stick to drama's Danny boy!

Overall I give this movie a 4/10, just for the scenery though. Watch for yourself and let me know what you think. Until next time kiddies.

"Terrible One" is right

Dear Doctor... Please, Let me see how long it takes you to pronounce the last name "Jones", five seconds. Got it. Well, Doctor............. Strong, is it? Obviously reading was not your strong point in school, good thing you went into a field where all you do all day everyday is READ.

Now that I've gotten my little pet-peeve out in the air about that bit of bad acting, I'll get to what it's from and go to the news about the horrible film quality of this flick. Tonight's not so horrifying horror flick is Humans Versus Zombies. Now onto why I dislike this movie SO much. A) The cast is made up of amateurs, which some times doesn't show and you can't tell. This is not one of those times. The cast is inexperienced and lack-luster for lack of better words. One guy is down right the most annoying character I've ever had the displeasure of seeing on screen, Chip Joslin plays this guy who you just want to die, he even has a shirt that says "Terrible One" and he definitely lives up to it. One of the other characters is a total geek who gives the feeling like he's a walking encyclopedia... Not likely at all unless he has Asberger's syndrome. The one girl I thought I might like in the movie, "GamerGirlTommi" played by Dora Madison Burge becomes unlikable within the first 10 minutes of her appearance. She gives all girl gamers a really bad name, not only demanding loot from live feed viewers but also being a complete and total fucking wimp when faced with real zombies. I don't know about everyone else out there, but I've watched countless zombie flicks and played every Resident Evil and Silent Hill game and I for one at least wouldn't break down and scream my head off like a little bitch when faced with impending doom. While yes the threat of zombies chewing my tits off would be frightening, I'd certainly grow a pair and take down as many of the bitches as I could instead of hollering and attracting more. Lamesville! The one likable character is this ex-Army vet turned security guard on the college campus, who has guns and guts and is just fuckin' awesome.
B) Every once in a while the DVD copy of this movie shows off a nasty little digitized mess wherever the white is where they have obviously altered stuff in the movie, what? Probably the weather or just over-processing the colors. But still that pixelated bullshit is really annoying when trying to watch a movie.

"My eyes! My eyes! This movie sucked so bad I had to pull my fucking eyes out to stop the bad from getting in!"

I'm not even going to rant anymore about this movie, think I'll just go to bed instead. I still have a good 30 minutes left in this movie, but I give it a 2/10 overall. Definitely NOT one to add to my zombie collection.

A more modern ET

After months of being told that I needed to see Super 8 and months of saying it looks stupid, I finally lived my motto and gave it a shot. Man, oh man, was I surprised. This movie was amazingly done (minus all the extreme explosions.) I really could not have asked for more in a film, especially one where the main actors are children, WHAT?! The last time I saw children act that well in a movie was, well, E.T.

Pink eye in both eyes, please make it STOP!!!!

I gave this movie a 8/10. I will go further into this review after I return from my boring alter ego lifestyle tonight, assuming that homework does not preoccupy me, Diablo III does not steal me away, or I do not rip my eyes out from this horrible pink eye I've got right now!

Edit: So, I didn't exactly get back to finishing that review of Super 8 that I mentioned, so I will continue now. The story was solid, basically these kids who are trying to enter a junior movie competition go out after curfew to tape while the train is passing by at midnight only to witness a series of unimaginable events unfold. The children continue to try to film their movie while also trying not to be found out by the military and deal with the issues between their families. I don't want to go into too much detail about anything else but let's just say if you haven't seen this movie yet, you definitely should!

Form Your Own Opinions

While I am always one to quickly hand out my opinion, and very honestly I might add, I am always backing up my opinion by saying "You should try it for yourself and form your own opinion though" unless the movie just out right sucks.
I am sick of getting patronized and yelled at for telling someone that in my opinion a movie was awesome or that I liked a movie and then they come back tell me how stupid I am and that my taste in movies is the worst they've ever seen. Really? Because for the record, 99% of the movies I've recommended to you, you liked... So, that means you're stupid and your taste sucks too. So take that. Asshat. Yeah!

Tonight I'm just going on the record and saying that I liked The Devil Inside. Yes, it was not the best movie I've ever seen, but I went into it thinking it was going to down right suck. That is how I normally go into these newer horror movies. If I want to watch a truly great horror movie, I'll watch something by Fulci, Romero, Argento, etc. etc... From tonight forward whatever I talk about I will rate on a scale of 1-10. 1 being the shittiest piece of shit that ever shit! and 10 being of epic godliness! Now, onward! The Devil Inside is a "documentary" style film that follows a college age girl who seeks to find out if she has the same disorder or ailment that has led to her mother being committed into an asylum for murder. Her mother is in Italy and is believed to be under possession, though the Vatican will not oversee her exorcism so a priest and exorcist theorist join with the girl to uncover the truth and try to exorcise the mother. I will not give away the end or anything but I will say that the movie gave me chills. I'm Agnostic, I guess since I was at some point in my life Christian the whole thought of demons and Hell still can give me the chill but no movie has been able to do such a thing since The Exorcist and The Exorcist: The Beginning, The Devil Inside did leave me with chills and made me feel like 'Hmm... Maybe I should have one of my friends pray for my soul, if there's one left of course." In the end I would have to give The Devil Inside a 4/10. It's not a movie I would watch for a second time or consider adding to my collection but it was worth the rental and wasn't a total waste of my time.

Hopefully in the coming weeks I will be able to watch the 4th season of True Blood (why bother, it was all over Facebook last year) and possibly the new Sherlock Holmes. We'll see.